Slow and Mindful.

As families will do, mine has often teased me. You know, in that loving sort of way that only families can do.

It takes me forever to get out the door. I mean, give me a ten minute warning because I have some very serious last minute things to do and it’s going to also take me a few seconds to find my keys and tie my laces. I still have to finish my coffee.

I also cook slow, and I clean slow. Sometimes I walk slow. I think slow and I shower slow and I probably breathe slow.

And I hate being rushed. I know hate is a strong word, but I feel like it’s appropriate here. Rushing gives me anxiety. As soon as someone tells me to hurry I automatically think “no! I need more time!”.

The more others started to notice this, and sometimes even became annoyed by it, the more shame I felt. Why can’t I do everything at the same rate as everyone else? Why am I always running behind? Why aren’t I good enough?

So I tried doing more faster. It brought me to a stressful place. I love getting things done, I really do, but I enjoy even more doing them at my own pace. So I was left feeling flustered and flawed.

Then I began hearing the phrase “the art of living slow”. I can’t remember exactly where or how or in what instances, but I began to bring itself to my attention. Something clicked. I realized: that’s me.

I’m the woman who would rather wake up an hour early just so I can cook myself a hearty breakfast and enjoy my coffee with my beautiful dog in my lap. I’m creating that time and I’m creating that space to live mindfully. To take the environment in over time.

Needing moments to embrace the small things in life does not make me flawed. It only makes me different, beautifully different if you ask me. Because when I’m cooking I’m enjoying it. I’m rubbing the cilantro between my hands and smelling in, I’m making sure the meat is marinated just-so. I’m checking and double checking. I’m being particular, but I’m right in there, one hundred percent in the moment and invested in my task.

To be slow means to be mindful. It means to be present. It means to be invested. It means to enjoy the moment.

I’m living. And I’m doing it my way. I will never apologize for that.