The World I Live In

The other day my cousin sent me an email, explaining that although she would love to see me she wasn’t feeling up to it – her anxiety had gotten the best of her this week and she felt that she should be alone.

Not “I’m sorry I forgot”.

Not “I’m not feeling well”.

Not “I didn’t get your message in time”.

Just “I have anxiety and I can’t see you”.

As one perfectly imperfect human, my first reaction was anger. What do you mean you don’t wanna see me? I’m the best. And I live so close. What’s going on here?

Moments later I realized, I’m not angry, I’m disappointed. My cousin is a beautiful person to be around, and I just really wanted to see her.

Shortly after that, I realized that was just my ego talking. Why was I making it all about me? She has feelings too, valid ones, no less important than mine.

Once I took my ego out of the equation, all that was left was love. I thought about how much I care for her, hope she is well, and can’t wait to see her again.

This whole process took but a few minutes, but I realized a very conscious and gradual shift in my emotions and I realized how beautiful it was that she could be honest with me.

In this world, it’s hard to be vulnerable. It’s tough to talk about mental illness. It’s hard to share our personal struggles.

I’m so lucky that it’s not the world I live in. In my world, we talk about mental illness. People are welcome to be open about their struggles without the worry that they will be met with judgement. And being vulnerable is okay.

I’m blessed to be surrounded by the friends and community that I am, and forever grateful.

One day at a time, lets make it a better world.