Okay, I’m going to be honest… we just skipped right over January. We just skipped right over it, and we’re not looking back. Obviously life has been a whirlwind and I’ve let my posts slide, but that’s the life of a blogger sometimes. And once you read all about February part 1 and 2, you’ll understand why.
Let’s just jump in fresh with February, which was kind of a big deal.
On February 9th, I turned 30. There’s nothing like a milestone birthday to help you freak out a little – am I right?? Or maybe that’s just me.
I love birthdays. Unfortunately, it has to be someone else’s birthday. I actually despise my own birthday. I know that sounds negative-Nancy but damnit, it’s true. Going back as far as I can remember, I look back on how my anxiety builds up until my birthday and then that day, I crash and burn.
I know it has a lot to do with pressure/plans/expectations that surround birthdays, and not necessarily the getting older itself. I’m actually enjoying getting older. Instead of constantly questioning who I am, I am finally moving into the stage of sinking into who I know I am. It feels great.
Although I might come across as a person who is sure of myself, I am actually not really that person. But in the past few months I have come to question myself less, and I also think that comes with the territory of getting older. For that I am grateful.
Having a twin makes a birthday cooler too – it helps me focus on celebrating someone else instead of narrowly focusing on myself. I know she had a good one, and that matters to me so much more than my own birthday ever could – even if it happens to be on the same day under the same mother!
But as happy as I was to have turned 30, a part of me was restless for a shift. Well let’s get real… when this year haven’t I been?
Just a few weeks ago, my routine was nothing to strive for. Working at home alone, I would wake up at 5 am (ish) and drink coffee for an hour before starting work for the day. I’d been concentrating on my freelance writing, so I would write from about 6-10 or 11 am. Then I would go to the grocery store and come home, followed by work for another couple of hours. Around 4 I would begin making dinner, and by the time I cooked, cleaned, and showered it would be around 7 pm. I would relax for 2 hours and go to bed.
Sometimes I would hit the gym, although not nearly as much as I should have been. Sometimes I would visit with friends, but working at home alone had made me become more and more reclusive and solitary. This is the pattern I fell into, but not necessarily one that served me.
It wasn’t really that bad, but it wasn’t necessarily good. I would say I felt about 78% happy.
Where was my other 22%??
I’m not one to settle into a situation where I think that things could be better.
After talking about it with Matthew, we realized we felt the same.
When we came back to Calgary a few months ago, our only plan was to have no plan – to find our grounding and figure out where the universe called us next.
I can tell you we stayed true to that. Matthew expressed interest in some jobs on the west coast. I began looking also. Self employment has been wonderful to me, but it’s also challenging.
Working alone comes with a level of uncertainty that never goes away. Because there is no physical barrier between my down time and my work time (being that it all happens in the same place – at home) I constantly stress about working. I’ve also gotten lonely over the past few months – I miss having someone around to talk to. I didn’t decide outright to just find a job – any job, but I decided that I was willing to look and accept one if I felt it was the right fit and change for me…
I guess Matthew and I both found what we were looking for in Vancouver, and in just a few short weeks our whole life would turn upside down (again) as we packed up and moved to Vancouver.
Funnily enough, I already had a sisters weekend planned in Vancouver the weekend of February 22nd. This vacation would become a STAYcation, and I would never board that plane back to Calgary.
It’s felt like it’s all been happening on a whim, I don’t think I’ve even fully absorbed it yet.
I can’t wait to tell you guys more in Part 2 – where I’ll explain more about my amazing sisters weekend, new career path, what I think of it here in Van, and what the plan is next.
Thanks for reading, and stay tuned!