This is a post only an anxious person would make. No one else would second guess feeling TOO good. But I would.
So here’s the deal. I am used to being afraid. Or worried. Or bending my mind over something. But today, I’m not.
In fact, more and more frequently I’m not.
It’s a good thing, right?
But it’s also wildly unfamiliar.
I woke up this morning and I started thinking about how everything in my life is actually coming together. I feel that all my dreams are coming true. And I have a wonderful home and two fur babies that I love to a sometimes annoying degree.
Euphoria struck me like a wave and buried me. I started to feel excited about all that is possible for me. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
And then I panicked, because I am not used to this.
This feeling of sheer… happiness. Calm. Serenity.
So get this: I panicked because I wasn’t panicking.
That is how an anxious mind will get you! Rarely will it ever allow you to just be.
It’s astounding to me that people go throughout their lives comfortable with happiness because they don’t experience the same ups and downs as those of us who struggle with mental illness (hop aboard the roller coaster that was my young adulthood).
I think for people that struggle with mental illness, it is one thing to conquer your struggle and entirely another to accept that you can have happiness.
And so I realize that this is the next part of my journey: to get comfortable with happy.
I don’t have to be anywhere, or do anything, or get any last thing done.
The dishes in the sink can wait.
I’m doing enough studying.
And I don’t need to worry. I can just be.