With Valentines day coming up, a lot of people have their minds on the one (or ones!) that they love. What better time to write a post about relationships?
I’m not a relationship expert, but I know that our environment is an integral part of our happiness, and the people that we spend our time with have an effect on us: our values, our habits, our energy.
For better or worse, that’s just how it is. But sometimes, for various reasons, we get caught up in spending time with people who are just no good for us. This is applicable to both friendships and romantic relationships. We have trouble letting go. Often we believe that the problem is us, that if we could just change enough to make the other person happy everything will be okay. Other times we take what I call the “rescue role”, and we make ourselves responsible for the happiness and betterment of the other person.
If you spend long enough time engaging in relationships within that negative space, you begin to forget what a healthy relationship looks like.
A healthy relationship…
- is a partnership
- makes you feel good
- brings light and positivity into your life
- teaches you something
- facilitates growth
- needs care and work (on both sides)
- is a part of your support system
- allows both people to be honest without being critical
- is open and allows both people to be heard
- is comforting
An unhealthy relationship…
- is one-sided
- involves one person holding the other responsible for their happiness/unhappiness
- relies on total dependency
- lowers your self-esteem
- encourages unhealthy behaviors
- compromises your values
- is abusive emotionally, mentally, or physically
- isolates you
- fuels disrespect, dishonesty, and manipulation
- makes you feel stuck
Protect yourself and your space. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, being in a relationship is not a prize you get for being a “good” person. So don’t settle.
The description above is very broad, so I would like to add a few other things that are important to me in particular for a healthy romantic relationship…
I find I need…
- laughter, and lots of it. Life is short. I need to laugh!
- adventure and spontaneity
- to be with someone who is driven/ goal-oriented (ambitious people understand each other!)
I hope you all keep this in mind, and cherish those who are the positive influences in your lives this Valentines!