Even as I write the title to this post, I can’t believe it’s MARCH.
These last two and a half months have gone by so quickly. I think it’s because I’ve been working so much. I barely have time to catch my breath, let alone realize what day it is!
I have taken an interesting turn in the journey towards my best self over the past couple of months. You know, I never realized that self-acceptance required a certain amount of continual maintenance. A year ago I was at a place of radical self-love and self-acceptance. I felt untouchable, simply because I knew who I was and loved that person, flaws, mishaps and all. I acknowledged myself as a human moving forward.
But over time people do change. As I changed, I think I began to lose that acceptance in some ways, because the person I accepted myself as was gone. And not to say in any way I have changed for the worse. I’m just not a student anymore. My work is different. I’m not the single student out there exhausting herself trying to prove something anymore, or make her way. My whole life has essentially changed, and I need to accept who I am now in this space.
So that’s what I’ve been working on. Anything good that will ever come from me will come from a place of love. When you accept yourself and love yourself, you strive to be healthy in all ways. Without that motivation we are just lost. We might be moving but we have no direction. I needed to find that again.
Improvements: My improvements over the last month have been less physical and more spiritual. I have absolutely no sense of shame in saying this. A lot of people fall and feel like a failure. You are only a failure if you don’t get back up! And I always get back up. I’ve just been focusing on a different aspect of my wellness lately. Not to worry, I’m still on track with my fitness in working towards that summer bod!
Current Focus: My current focus is to continue on my physical fitness journey without compromising how far I have come emotionally and spiritually. I want to continue to accept myself at this time and in this body while also working towards bettering myself.
Eating: My eating has been so much better since I removed dairy from my diet. I don’t experience the same mood swings or physical symptoms that I was before I knew I had an allergy! I’ve been eating about 80/20 these days and I am happy with that. My issue most recently has been not eating frequently enough. So although my meals are quality, nourishing, and healthy, I feel like I undo that to a certain point when I’m too busy to eat or I’m unprepared! I would like to start eating 5 meals a day again. Grocery shopping is today so I will definitely be doing some prep work tonight!
Feeling: I feel like change is on the horizon. As a person with anxiety, sometimes I spend more time thinking about doing something than actually doing it. Now, I am at the stage where I am ready to stop thinking and just get my feet moving, you know… move forward.
I am told so often that I am the “healthiest person” that somebody knows. I am met with shock and disbelief sometimes when I share my own struggles. Yes, I go to the gym. Yes, I prefer healthy, homemade cooking. Yes, I continually embark in a spiritual journey towards the betterment of myself! That doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle. Struggling is simply a part of the human experience.
I cannot sit here and be an example as somebody who is perfect, because as we all know, perfect is a myth. What I can do is be open about my knowledge, experiences, and my healing in the hopes that you will connect with something that I’ve said somewhere along the way and that it will resonate with something in you.
Today I am human and I am humbled.