The other weekend I had to bail out of a friend’s birthday party.
Okay, to be fair, I didn’t bail. I actually did not confirm that I would go, but promised to let her know the day of. And that day, I told her I couldn’t make it.
A lot of people from the outside looking in are going to see that as selfish. A lot of people would question why I was unable to put my own needs aside for my friend for just one night.
But that’s a question that almost answers itself: because these are my needs.
The week prior to this party I was exceptionally busy ( and yes, it’s the Calgary lifestyle, we are all “always busy!”). I hadn’t slept much; adequate rest and nutrition were definitely lacking. I really needed that evening to get back on my feet.
As a person prone to anxiety, these are just things that I normally keep in check. If I’m not my best self, what can I possibly give to anyone else?
I think when it comes to deciding if you are making a selfish decision or setting boundaries, intention is everything. Are you making this decision out of fear, or out of love? Are you making this decision from your ego, or your soul?
We all have to set healthy boundaries, in both our relationships with other people and also with ourselves.
Luckily I have the most beautiful and understanding friends in the world. This one in particular didn’t hold it against me, and we enjoyed a belated birthday brunch the following weekend.
All decisions made from love require no explanation or justification. But I wanted to share with you guys this example to highlight the difference between being selfish and setting boundaries.
A selfish decision would be cancelling because you don’t know anyone at the party. Or out of past resentment towards the friend. Or even going simply because you feel obligated.
Practice good self care, always. These decisions are for you to know and decide.