As families will do, mine has often teased me. You know, in that loving sort of way that only families can do.
It takes me forever to get out the door. Give me a ten minute warning because I have some very serious last minute things to do, and it’s going to also take me a few seconds to find my keys and tie my laces. One minute! I still have to finish my coffee.
I also cook slow, and I clean slow. Sometimes I walk slow. I think slow and I shower slow and I probably breathe slow.
I hate being rushed. I know “hate” is a strong word, but I feel like it’s appropriate here. Rushing is real trigger for my anxiety. As soon as someone tells me to hurry I automatically think “no! I need more time!”.
The more others started to notice this, and sometimes even became annoyed by it, the more shame I felt. Why can’t I do everything at the same rate as everyone else? Why am I always running behind? How can I be good enough?
So I tried doing more faster. Spiritually, that brought me to a stressful place. I love getting things done, but even more so I enjoy doing them at my own pace. So I was left feeling flustered and flawed.
Then I began hearing the phrase “the art of living slow”. I can’t remember exactly where or how or in what instances, but I began to bring itself to my attention. Something clicked. I realized: that’s me.
I’m the woman who would rather wake up an hour early just so I can cook myself a hearty breakfast and enjoy my coffee with my beautiful dog in my lap. I enjoy creating that time and creating that space to live in a mindful way. To take the environment in over time.
Needing moments to embrace the small things in life does not make me flawed. It only makes me different, beautifully different if you ask me. Because when I’m cooking I’m enjoying it. I take my time rubbing the cilantro between my hands and smelling it. I’m love tasting my soups and sauces repeatedly to make sure they are just right. I’m checking and double checking – I’m being particular. But that’s in my nature – to get right in there one hundred percent, be in the moment, and stay invested in my task.
To be slow means to be mindful. It means to be present, invested, and to enjoy the moment.
I’m living. And I’m doing it my way. I will never apologize for that.